Suzanne’s story

My Pregnancy “Journey” and Finding the Sisterhood
Director PFI and Pilates ITC, Suzanne Newby

It is perhaps the simplest and most obvious thing in the world, but it bears repeating: no two pregnancies are the same. Every pregnancy is different. Every woman’s journey is different, and that in itself is a wonderful thing.

Thanks to the constant chatter from social and traditional media channels, not to mention the unsolicited and solicited advice pregnant women tend to cop from friends, family and strangers, sometimes this simple fact gets lost in the noise.

I’m a huge supporter of “the sisterhood”. I believe we should boost each other up and not tear each other down; especially when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood. 

To celebrate this difference and the spirit of empowering sisterhood, I want to share my pregnancy stories:

First up, when I share my pregnancy and birth stories I like to be clear that these are choices I made for me; they were good choices for me, but maybe not right for you, and that’s ok!

(A great quotation from Amy Poehler’s book, Yes Please: "Good for her! Not for me.' That is the motto women should constantly repeat over and over again. Good for her! Not for me.")

I have had five pregnancies and birthed three children.

This might seem like a simple enough statement of fact, but it is anything but “simple”. It took some time to get here.

My experience with pregnancy is made up of many chapters including: miscarriage, high-risk pregnancy, complications, illness, stillbirth, and live. Every single one of these chapters is as valuable as the last, because it all comes together to make my journey.

First pregnancies are always romanticised: they’re the ones where we have all these sparkly, glowing ideas of the things we will and won’t do for pregnancy, birth and beyond. It’s truly a wonderful time of life.

Like many first-time Mums I set my antenatal and birth standards pretty high, to name just a few: I was all about self-advocacy (having a plan and a voice when it comes to health care), pro “natural” birth; I had a preference for the public health system, midwifery and wanted to use a Doula; and at this time, I was wary of obstetricians and emergency medicine because (wrong or right) I saw them as a threat to my overall “natural” birth plan.

I was also super data-hungry and felt particularly empowered by learning as much as I could about pregnancy and childbirth.

We all seek out ways to empower ourselves, and these were just some of the conditions and expectations that made me feel strong, in control (as much as you can be) and happy.

My first pregnancy progressed normally until 10 weeks when I was sent to King Edward with bleeding. Here we were shocked to find out I had been pregnant with not one, but three babies. From one extreme state of shock to another, we were told the trio had stopped progressing at five weeks and as a result, I needed a dilation and curettage (D&C).

I am very fortunate to have no trouble getting pregnant, so the second time came around just three months later.

My “plan” (above) was pretty much unchanged, and I went into this pregnancy with a solid crew supporting my pregnancy and birth vision, including my hubby Ray, GP Sally Cook, Doula Kristin Beckedahl, best friend Taylor Vagg, and the midwives at Kaleeya Hospital.

The pregnancy was mostly problem-free: baby Bo was small, but healthy and growing well and I felt great. But, as can happen with a sometimes-overburdened public health system, I ended up going around three weeks in the final trimester without an antenatal check due to lack of availability. However, being healthy at the time I had no reason to be concerned by this.

However, when I was reviewed at 37 weeks we discovered Bo hadn’t grown since the week 34 check, and I had lost weight too. The early diagnosis was that blood was not passing through the placenta as efficiently as it should be, and knowing little more than this I found myself suddenly slapped with the “high-risk” label: the thing I feared most (see: wary of Obstetricians and emergency medicine).

Back then, I didn’t believe you could be a high-risk pregnant lady and have options, or a voice: so, I was scared about what this meant for my baby, and my hopes of a vaginal, low intervention birth. Ultimately, I was sent home and asked to come back to be induced at 39 weeks. Not part of my plan, but a medical necessity to ensure both of us stayed safe and healthy.

When I look back on my first birth experience, I now realise I didn’t use of the phrase “natural birth” correctly, today I realise I actually meant “vaginal birth” with personal preferences.

It might seem like semantics, but it is important. The phrase “natural birth” is thrown around a lot these days and has a lot of powerful connotations that can be harmful depending on how it is used. “Natural birth” can suggest that if you don’t give birth “a particular way”, it is somehow un-natural. This is not something I believe or condone!

What I meant back then, and what I wanted for myself, was to birth my children safely, vaginally, with as little medical intervention as possible. This was good for me, perhaps it’s not for you, and that’s ok!

I didn’t get my full, “wish list” birth realised with Bo, but I still came pretty close considering the medical limitations placed on us. Bo was born into the world: vaginally, at term but weighing only 2.2kg and with a severely calcified placenta half the size it should have been.

He was quite unwell and even though he was a full-term baby he was cared for like a premie, with nasal feeding and lots of close monitoring in hospital for two weeks.

As a result of placenta issues, Bo has what is known as Global Developmental Delay, and Dyspraxia, which is a developmental coordination disorder. At four years old, today Bo is one of the most happy, spunky, vibrant and healthy little boys you’ll ever come across; he’s just a bit behind other kids his age.

Another pregnancy followed pretty hot on the heels of Bo’s birth; but resulted in miscarriage.

Not too long after this, I fell pregnant again, with Mika.

Mika is an incredibly special and important part of my story. I went into this pregnancy with much the same mindset and expectations as I had with Bo. But this time was very different: at 19 weeks I started to bleed and knew intuitively something was not right.

After failing to get the urgent care I needed at one hospital, we rushed to King Edward and were quickly taken into emergency care. I cannot credit the staff at King Edward enough for the support they provided me and my husband Ray on this day: their kindness shines through this memory and will stay with me forever.

I delivered our daughter Mika, still, on 14 April 2015, after a 12-hour induced labour, with my husband, and the amazing midwives at King Edward by my side.

This is something I have not been ready to share until very recently. Mika isn’t just my story, she is a member of our family: she’s a sister, and a daughter.

Nobody talks about stillbirth; what happens, what it feels like, what it does to your mind and body, and the grief. We don’t talk about it because it is profoundly sad, and that’s ok.

I don’t feel alone in this part of my story, because today I continue to discover an amazing sisterhood of women (and men!) who have a similar story to tell. There’s so much comfort to be found when you’re ready and open to it.

Mika and Bo’s placental histology side by side show they were affected by the same condition. While it hasn’t been officially diagnosed, an Obstetrician (my Obstetrician!) believes I have what is known as “Hughes Syndrome”: an autoimmune response to pregnancy where the blood turns sticky and struggles to pass through the placenta.

At this point in my pregnancy journey I had learned a whole lot, my pregnancy and birth plans were adapting to my experience.

When my fifth pregnancy came around, things were different, but also in some ways they were the same. This time I wanted to deliver at King Edward, but as a private patient under the care of an Obstetrician.

I was still very passionate about having a voice and being heard, and I still wanted a low intervention, vaginal birth; but this time around I wanted an Obstetrician to work within these parameters to ensure both baby and me stayed safe.

I call it finding a place for “me” in medical. This is something I wouldn’t have thought was possible back in the very beginning, but I’m here to tell you – it is!

It’s about finding the “right” Obstetrician for you, your baby and your medical history. I found mine in Dr Craig Pennell: a maternal foetal medicine specialist with extensive high risk experience and a reputation for being pro-vaginal birth. Craig and I also had an instant bond, he just got me, and respected my need to feel heard. I trust him.

During the course of the pregnancy he kept a careful eye on the baby, and prescribed disprin and later injectable blood thinners to ensure we kept blood moving through the placenta.

On 12 March, 2016 our third baby, Zuma was born: healthy and without the complications that affected his brother and sister. The labour progressed at record speed, all done in under two hours, and done “my way” with my birthing team: Ray, Taylor, a midwife, and OB Craig by my side. Craig was fantastic and respectful of my wish for minimal intervention, he only checked in every so often to make sure everyone was safe, and then carefully helped Zuma into the world. I got the perfect marriage of medical and “me”.

So today I say I have three children: Bo, Mika and Zuma. They have taught me a lot about myself, and made me a better wife, sister, daughter and friend; but most powerfully of all, they made me a mother.

What do I want you to take away from my story?

Be wary of people or content (media) that tries to tell you how pregnancy/childbirth should be/look like, or how you should feel about it. Don’t buy into judgement, or guilt or competition: it’s your journey! Just do you!

Textbook smooth sailing, or high risk and fraught with complications; no drugs, some drugs or all of the drugs; in a bathtub, your lounge room or a hospital bed; midwife or OB; vaginal delivery or C-section; breast or bottle fed (it goes on and on…): there’s so much beauty in difference!

Don’t forget there’s room for “you” in all these scenarios. Often all you have to do is ask!